How to figure out if he's not into you!!

Ok, ladies, we've all probably read the book, and some of us have even seen the movie, but for some reason females STILL don't seem to get the point when a guy is not interested. So I just want to break down a couple of things to look for, so that you can stop chasing him like a lost puppy!

1. He only texts you.

This always causes a debate amongst people, because there are so many excuses people can give as to why they don't pick up the phone and call. I've heard them all: "He's always at work", "He never really liked to talk on the phone", "He's always around other people and don't like his business getting out". There is absolutely NO excuse why a guy cannot pick up the phone and talk to you at least once or twice a day! It doesn't matter if you work 3 or 4 jobs, the same time it takes to text someone, they could pick up the phone and say "I just wanted to see how your day was going." Stop lying to yourself, texting should NOT be your primary or ONLY source of communication.

2. He chooses hanging out with his boys over you.

Now, don't get me wrong; there's nothing wrong with a guy wanting to hang out with his friends. I have no problem with the male bonding stuff. However, if the guy is hanging out with his friends every night that he has free time, and has not asked to take you out, he's not interested. Let's be honest, no guy is going to hang out with their friends every night, if they're interested in a female. Most guys balance their time very well between chilling with the boys and hanging out with a lady. If this is imbalanced, you need to recognize the pattern, and keep it moving. No need complaining to him about the lack of time spent with you...he already knows, he just..doesn't want to chill with you like that.

3. He only hangs out with/calls you late at night.

Ladies, ladies! We all know what this means.....BOOTYCALL!!! If the only time he seems to pick up the phone and call you, or have time to hang out with you is at night, especially after 11pm, he's interested, but not in you as a person...he's more interested in trying to get into your pants. And let us not forget...JUST BECAUSE A GUY WILL HAVE SEX WITH YOU DOES NOT MEAN HE LIKES YOU...IT MAY NOT EVEN MEAN HE LIKES YOUR SEX.....HE LIKES THE AVAILABILITY YOU PROVIDE.

4. The only dates you get are dark places, or dates that include other people.

Ok, we're not in middle school anymore, so it's not mandatory that we go on chaperoned dates, or dates that include five or six other people. Bowling or hitting the bar with a crowd of people may be fun and less formal than a romantic dinner, but honestly that really doesn't constitute as a real "date". If you find that you are only hanging out with your guy at these kind of settings, be aware that you may just be a sympathy date. He may be trying to lose you in the crowd, or make the date seem way less serious. Also, and I may be a bit picky with this one, the dark, dim lit areas could be another giveaway. If you're only taken out at night to half empty restaurants, movies, or if you're constantly being told "let's just watch a movie at your/my place", it could be one of the following:

a)He may not think you're attractive

b) He may be embarrassed to be seen by his friends with you

c) he may be hiding out in places that his girlfriend/wife/other chicks won't be at, to avoid drama

Just a couple tips to keep an eye out for......more to come!!!

The Right Man

First, we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. And second, the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it’s made on an emotional one. “What about love? Shouldn’t that be the third?” you ask. No, and I’ll tell you why. “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jer. 17:9)
The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently – it just loves to love! Therefore you have to point it in the right directions: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23)
Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage.
Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship and then marriage. Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together. Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively – it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and preparing your life together after marriage. But dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather facts:
1. Check out the fabric.
Is the person mate material? Does this man have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ? Does he care what God thinks about his behaviour? Is he accountable to God as well as another co-laborer in the faith?
Accountability is an important factor.
It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship. Is your potential spouse a member of the same family – the family of God? Scripture is clear on this: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Cor. 6:14). You need to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eat the same spiritual diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions of basic life issues. You have had like experiences in your background. Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare better together. Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be married and your dreamboat isn’t interested, don’t waste your time. Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he’s not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he’s not going in your direction, get off the bus and wait for the right one.
2. Does this man want you?
Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for you will pursue you, and God’s hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends. Scripture says, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD” (Prov. 18:22). Note – who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning of time, God has transported men and women across the world in order to put them together. At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you. In God’s perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam has no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don’t have to help a guy out because he’s shy! Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. The man in your life should recognize you as pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested. Many a woman’s mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more that you love him.
As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it: “We love him because he first loved us” (1 Jn 4:19). Until then, take the ultimate chill pill. You don’t need a bunch of men in your life to make you feel alright about yourself. You need only one man – your man, the one God has selected to select you. And trust me, the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man at ANY time. So trust God’s timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker. Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found! Again – WAIT until the man voices his intentions.
He should take the lead in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you – this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the relationship.
3. The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only into your heart.
A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions clear. A man is husband material has the means to take care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he needs to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means to be a suitable lover for you.
4. Check out his buddies
Everyone knows birds of the same feather flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a man an his friends. A man’s pals tell you a lot about the person that you haven’t seen yet. They reveal things about the guys character that might be hidden when he is on good behaviour. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward. Don’t stay focused on the foot; check out the rest of the body.
5. Check out his relationship with his mother.
How does he treat her? This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really don’t like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother and son continue between husband and wife.
6. Remember that a man’s family reveals the cloth from which he’s cut from.
Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your life to look like his present family situation.
7. Check out the patterns of his life.
Do you see repeated patterns of drama in his personal kingdom? Broken relationships? Problems in making commitments, including the job market? Mood swings? Is a problem always someone else’s fault? Does he embrace responsibility or shirk it? Does he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation? Remember all garment s look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear, some begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out the man in your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is the right stuff.
8. Does this man have a vision for his life?
Is he running with that vision? Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING his assignment. As we saw Adam, a man doesn’t need help until he is busy doing what he was created and called to do. Is the man in your life guided by sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most miserable person – and you’ll be miserable too if you know where YOU want to go in life.
A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man who cannot be supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and to hold forever. Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates you with. You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember, we are looking for a man who will be priest and leader of his home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to complement.
9. Complementary?
Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his gifts complement yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate your gifts in an attractive and effective way? This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make sure your hearts beat for mutual causes. When I go shopping I always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have in my closet. Will my next purchase be a complementary addition to what I already have? If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes and matching accessories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack. It is too expensive a proposition.
If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely reinvent yourself, something is wrong. This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive spiritually, emotionally or physically? Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the process? Or does he see you as the gift that you are? The man in your life should consider you a rare find, a priceless jewel – because of you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable or that you have to work for love, is too expensive! God has called the man to cover, protect, and provide not only materially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be richer in mind, body and in spirit for your union with the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.
10. Does he have a healthy love and acceptance of himself?
Make sure the man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made peace with himself. How he cares for himself is how he will care for you. A man’s relationship with God is crucial here. His love for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not something that you can impart. You cannot be his saviour or teacher. That is out of spiritual order.
In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ. If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment with Christ, the relationship is too expensive. Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a limited run. If you and your man can’t soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love for another is tested by the pull or gravity of the world, your union will not be able to survive. So you decide. How much is your life worth? How much is your love worth? You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve. God himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets the example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride. Should you expect less from a mortal man? Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for the hand they desired. The truth of the matter is, everyone knows that anything worth having – costs. And no one gets a ride in this life for free.

Recognize a REAL woman!!

A good woman is proud of herself. She respects herself and others.
She is aware of who she is.She neither seeks definition from the
person she is with, nor does she expect them to read her mind.
She is quite capable of articulating her needs.
A good woman is hopeful.She is strong enough to make all her
dreams come true. She knows love, therefore she gives love.
She recognizes that her love has great value and must be reciprocated.
If her love is taken for granted, it soon disappears.
A good woman has a dash of inspiration and a dabble of endurance.
She knows that she will, at times, have to inspire others to reach the potential
God gave them.
A good woman knows her past, understands her present and moves
toward the future. A good woman knows God.
She knows that with God the world is her playground,
but without God she will just be played.
A good woman does not live in fear of the future because of her past.
Instead, she understands that her life experiences are merely lessons,
meant to bring her closer to self knowledge and unconditional self love

Why, girls, why?

Sooooo…..couple of things I don’t understand about women
1. Why do girls feel that they have to do provocative things (talk nasty, send half nude/nude photos, discuss their sexual abilities openly, etc) to get a guy’s interest? I see so many chicks doing degrading things like this, and they haven’t realized that it never gets them anything but sex. Selling yourself as a promiscuous girl will NOT get you into a relationship, at least not with a man of God (and thats what we’re supposed to be working towards right?)
2. Why do girls (especially black girls, yes I said it) act so ignorantly with other girls? What’s wrong with smiling at another girl when you pass, or saying something nice? Why must there always be scowls on a chick’s face, and whispers of disapproval? Newsflash: You have no reason to dislike that chick, you don’t even know her, therefore you only look like a huge hater that’s not confident in her own skin, and feels intimidated when a pretty/nice dressed girl walks by. Let’s get it together. Don’t hate, step your game up so you can be able to do it like that chick, or do it better. WOMEN give props where props are due, and WOMEN (at least those with that southern hospitality like myself) are able to smile, speak, or actually say “She’s rockin’ that outfit.It’s hot”.
3. Why do girls always say “I don’t hang with other girls, I only hang with dudes, cuz girls are drama/messy/haters/fake, etc”? There are a few that can say that with truth to it, but honestly, most are only saying that, because THEY are the drama-filled, messy, hating, fake chicks. They are the ones that sleep with other chicks men, play on peoples phones, hate on chicks that look/dress better than them,etc. Every single female on the face of this earth is not trouble, so it’s time to evaluate yourself, and figure out why you always have drama or problems with other females. And girls, be smart……if you’re involved with someone you know don’t belong to you…..youre definitely the problem, not the victim. Stop frontin.
4. Why do girls think it’s cool to get involved with men in relationships? I saw 3 different shows today on tv with this plot, and heard so many rap songs about sleeping with someone on the side. Why is dishonesty and trashiness attractive, and why do girls stoop so low as to actually lie for the guy that’s cheating? Dont you have any respect for yourself? You’re basically saying ” I know he wants her and wont leave her, and I am willing to help them keep their relationship together, as long as he keeps giving me sex”. Is penis that powerful? What does lying for a trifling guy do for you,exactly? Youre helping him keep YOU as his sideline ho, as Monica calls it. Not a good look!
5. Why do girls take pride in getting money from guys? There’s nothing more unattractive than a dependent yet grown ass woman! There is nothing cute about a grown female asking a guy for money all the time. I don’t care how much you say ” I make my own money, I just use his too”. You are a poor excuse for a female. Make your OWN money, buy your OWN nice things, so you can really have something to brag about. Everybody wants to have “ms. independent” as one of their favorite songs, but steady mooching off other people. In my eyes, it’s just a milder form of prostitution. You’re sleeping with a guy, and asking for financial favors, or getting money/gifts in return. Thats prostitution. So don’t ever talk bad about the next chick thats out there turning tricks to pay her rent, because sorry, honey, you’re doing the same thing.
TO BE CONTINUED………………..

Get the Hint!

Ladies and little girls, its time I break some things down for you. Clearly females still haven’t picked up on the fact that guys sometimes just aren’t as interested as you think they are. So I just wanted to drop a few hints, for the clueless, the desperate, the attention-seeking, the confused, and the overconfident chicks that make excuses for the guys they’re involved with.
1. If you’re calling him, and he’s only answering half of the time, or hardly at all, he’s probably not interested, or has many other women he’s dealing with.
2. If you find that you’re always the first one to call him daily, or that you’re always the one sending the “good morning/wake up” message/call to start your day, it is not because he is still asleep. It is because you’re not on his mind when he wakes up in the morning.
3. If you pretty much only receive calls from him when you’ve called or texted him first, and he’s returning your call, obviously he feels that he has better things to do. But, at least he made a little effort in calling back. Two points for that.
4. If you have been dealing with the same guy for a really long time, and he always has an excuse on why he doesn’t want a girlfriend, or why you guys can’t be together, it’s because he doesn’t want YOU as a girlfriend. Especially if he’s had girlfriends since he’s dealt with you. And please don’t let the “I think I might wanna be with you one day” lines fool you. If it hasn’t happened yet, it won’t happen, or it will obviously be last resort.
5. If you find yourself starting drama and always trying to outdo another chick that your guy is dealing with, it’s time to stop competing and find a man that’s really into you. “Knowing the game and how to play it” is just a euphemism for “I’m gonna keep trying to do everything I can in a desperate attempt for him to notice me and/or keep me around”. That’s no way for a woman to live. We’re all too old to be playing “the game”, and shouldn’t have to play it to get the attention you want.
6. If you find yourself going look at another chick’s myspace, facebook profile just because they’re dealing with your guy too, it’s time to quit being obssessive and creepy, and find a hobby.In some circumstances, it may be necessary, like if you’re the girlfriend trying to investigate, but not if the guy won’t even give you a title. That’s pitiful. And even when you’re in a relationship, if you have reason to go investigating, you may want to evaluate the situation you’re in.
7. If you have to try and broadcast your relationship or situation to the world, then you’re trying way too hard. Putting pictures up of guys and making comments and statements so everyone will know you’re sleeping with him is just plain sad. We are human, we’re not dogs that have to mark our territory. Especially if it’s somebody else’s man, or if they have nothing on their page that represents how special you are to them. Oh and changing your guys page and deleting other girl’s pictures off is really sad and pitiful. Pictures dont even mean much to guys, and from what I was told recently, guys know that girls like to claim territory and do sad things like that, and that it only makes them look “desperate and foolish”. And “a real woman doesn’t have to show the world she’s chilling with somebody, because they would have that girlfriend title if they were special enough”.
8. If you find yourself always making excuses for why you’re not with someone, and saying things like ” I dont really want to be with him”, or “I dont want a man right now”, STOP LYING TO YOURSELF. Girls don’t sleep with guys for a long time cater to their ego, and do things to please him without hope that they will one day be their woman. Be real about the situation.
9.If you find that you’re always having to send text messages about sex, and how horny you are to get a guy’s attention, stop embarrassing yourself. Guys laugh at those texts, and from what I learned recently, it’s not sexy to them, unless you’re their main girl. Otherwise you look like the trashy booty call girl….that you just very well may be to them.
10. If you’re the one making the most effort to see the guy, and you find yourself always trying to convenience him and cater to him, and you have never been his girl, stop playing yourself, and find somebody that wants to do those things for you. Of course, the guy is loving the attention, but it lets a guy know that you’re willling to do anything he wants without the title, therefore he knows that he’ll never have to make you his girl.
If any of these things applies to you, it’s time to make a change, and pray for a man that you don’t have to be a fool for. If you get offended by this blog, congratulations, self-realization is a big step toward self improvement.

Misery Loves Company

August 30th, 2009 by beautifulloser
“People always have advice about being together….when they’re all alone-Dru Hill”
Nokio was right on point when he wrote these lyrics in the song “What are we gonna Do?”. Doesn’t it seem like it’s always your single friends and family members that are the most judgmental about your relationship situation? They always claim to know and want what’s best for you. However, you can’t help thinking that if they knew so much, then why haven’t things worked out for them all this time?
It’s obvious that misery loves company in these situations. That friend that always point out negative things is definitely not trying to help things. That family member that always tries to place your man in the “dog” category, when he hasn’t done anything to give her a reason to feel that way is most likely trying to give you a reason to doubt that this relationship is where you want to be. The sad thing about it is that sometimes people are in denial about their own miserable life, which causes them to be unaware of their judgmental negative behavior.
There are ways of dealing with miserable people that don’t want to see you happy, without causing tension with your loved ones:
1. You could politely respond, after a negative comment, “I appreciate the fact that you’re concerned about me, but I am happy with my relationship. I would rather not discuss this subject anymore.”

2. Sometimes pure honesty and respect can get the job done, in a simple manner. “I respect your opinion, however I disagree with how you feel, and sometimes wonder if you ever have positive things to say about us.”
There is always going to be at least one miserable person in your life that will try to bring you down to their level. It is important that you remain true to your own feelings, and distinguish between honest feedback and miserable manipulation. Good day, people